BREAKING NEWS: We’ve Been Cast in the New Sailor Moon Movie!

So yesterday, I, The Me, and Leonardo DiCaprio all traveled to Los Angeles on short notice to audition at 20th Century Fox. I auditioned for the role of Sailor Moon against Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan, and since I was the only one of the three who signed a sobriety agreement, I got the role! The Me and Leo were cast as Tuxedo Mask and Artemis respectively. Leo beat out a few preschoolers, and Tuxedo Mask was supposed to be played by Christian Bale, but he had “rage issues” immediately after the audition. Michelle Pfeiffer has been cast as Queen Beryl, and Cloris Leachman is cast to play Queen Serenity. The movie will be called Sailor Moon: The Secret of the Silver Crystal and is slated to begin filming in New Zealand in June. However, after meeting with the director this morning, we were all deemed too ugly and must spend the next month in plastic surgery, cosmetic enhancements, and genetic engineering. I must undergo hair follicular procedures to ensure my hair is long enough for odangoes by June, The Me must undergo some experimental gene therapy to overcome his allergy to roses, and Leo is going to have a moon permanently tattooed to his forehead, and have his body surgically altered to include cat ears and a tail. If the surgery is a success, he will immediately get a role in the Justice League spinoff movie, Cat-Man and Tommy Turbine Meet Mister Mxyzptlk. Tommy Turbine is going to be played by Zac Efron, Mister Mxyzptlk will be played by Jim Carrey, and we hear Jimmy Olsen is going to be bitten by a radioactive starfish and acquire starfishy powers. In any case, all of this means we will not be posting updates for the next two months, and then we will post sporadic updates from the set of the movie. Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan, in bids to play Youma are going to take over this blog to show the producers and the directors that they are serious actresses who deserve roles in this film! Please welcome our new writers with open arms and a lot of patience - we’re sure they will do a great job after they have a little time to get used to this site!